So, my mom came by a few months ago and we had a lot of time to talk. She used to be upbeat and happy, but it seems like life took its toll on her too. Forced to stay amongst people that don’t respect you and consider you inferior will do that to you.
During her visit, we got to the deep topics of life. All in all, I was the negative end and she the… more positive. When she left, I promised her I’d try to be more positive.
Why would I make such a promise? She felt it necessary to apologize to me for giving me life. Her explanation being I sounded so unhappy due to my existence.
She wasn’t supposed to know. But I’m very bad at shutting up when talking about convictions.
Anyway, that and the fact that multiple people said I sounded depressed + me opening up at work and trashing existence, has pushed me to seek professional help.
When my mom heard, she told me that leaving me after her stay felt a lot like a goodbye. She was glad I had taken the step. It had been on her mind why I had given the negative people such a big place in my heart and the people that love me such a small one. It’s not that negative people take up the space, it’s that they opened the door to the world. Whereas before I would look at it through a window, now I’m in it – and I hate nearly everything about it.
I want to find out if believing that life has no meaning (except maybe not hurting others) and wanting a simple life, can lead to a happy life.
At the same time, I’m convinced that happiness means forgetting or ignoring certain things. And when that happens, important things fall by the wayside. Therefore, can I afford to be happy or should I rethink the importance of things? But if life has no meaning, nothing is important…
It’s a conundrum I have to resolve, if I wish to reach a certain age.
gimmetheend 